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All jokes (1,743 jokes)
- “Good artists copy, great artists steal”…
- Google doesn’t need to leave Santa a cookie
- Got my girlfriend a “get better soon” card…
- Grammar is the difference between helping your uncle wank off a horse and helping your Uncle Wank off a horse
- Greatgreen: I’m going to fail…
- “Great minds discuss ideas…
- Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke…
- Guys only have two moods: Hungry and horny, so if he’s not asking for sex, make him a sandwich
- Hansel and Gretel ends with two Germans pushing someone into an oven…
- Happiness is not enough for me !…
- Happy 60th birthday
- Happy Father’s Day…
- Hardest thing about working in an office: relearning how to write code with my shoes on
- Harry Potter has way too many characters…
- Has anyone who says the future of work is remote been on a video call before?
- Have spent morning testing Stephen Fry’s gender theories by asking random women for sex… He’s right! They’re just not interested
- Have you ever noticed algebraists eat corn lengthwise and analysts eat corn widthwise but topologists rotate through the fourth dimension and eat it inside out?
- “have you heard about the Nu covid variant”…
- Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says…
- Having a vibrator die on you when masturbating is like having sex with a man
- He keeps texting me, saying “busy with COD” what does this fish have that i don’t?
- “Hello! Do you have a minute to talk about Dracula?”…
- Hello everyone! I’m a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs…
- Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again
- Here is to another year pretending I like you people!
- Here’s the story of the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me or anyone ever…
- Her: What do you do? …
- He was so narrow-minded, he could look through a keyhole with both eyes
- “Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”…
- “Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?”…
- Hey girl, are you a cop? …
- Hiring a dev because of their skills with a library is like hiring someone to drive your wife to the maternity ward because they rock at GTA
- Historical fact : Rudolf Hess helped with the editing of the book ‘Mein Kampf’ for Hitler…
- Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god…
- Horror film called “Occam’s Razor” about a razor shop owner and serial killer named Occam who kills people with razors, but the townspeople refuse to believe it could be him and advance increasingly absurd theories to explain the spate of razor deaths plaguing the town
- How are an apple and a lawyer alike? …
- How can you tell if somebody owns an Apple product? …
- How did Kim Kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye? …
- How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music? …
- How did the hipster burn his tongue on the pizza? …
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? …
- How do you break up two blind guys fighting? …
- How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? …
- How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool? …
- How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb? …
- How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb? …
- How do you know if the music stage is level? …
- How do you make any salad into a caesar salad? …
- How do you milk sheep? …
- How Do You Spell Potato? …
- How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning? …
- How do you turn a pussy into an asshole? …
- How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? …
- How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb? …
- How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair? …
- How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? …
- How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? …
- How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? …
- How many general relativists to change a light bulb? …
- How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? …
- How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb? …
- How many Karen’s does it take to hang a picture? …
- How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? …
- How many people with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? …
- How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? …
- How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? …
- How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? …
- How old were you when you realized it’s called “firmware” because it’s halfway between “hardware” and “software”?
- How’s everyone holding up? …
- How to create a unicorn : kill a narwhal…
- HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT…
- HTTP status ranges in a nutshell…
- HUGE plot hole in reality: every person carries around a device with access to the totality of human knowledge and yet people are constantly wrong about everything
- Human resources manager: what is your biggest weakness? …
- “Humans will always murder, no gun law can change that!” screams a country that outlawed too much toothpaste on a plane
- Husband: I have cheated once…
- Hydra Code : Code that cannot be fixed
- I accidentally called Alexa “Siri”, and now the thermostat is set to 90 degrees and I can’t unlock my doors or windows
- I accidentally messed up my life how do I start a new account?
- I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today…
- I admire the way my cat approaches new things in life…
- I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder, so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
- I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina…
- I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude…
- I am not an early bird or a night owl…
- Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer…
- I arrived early to the restaurant…
- I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words…
- I asked my masseuse if it was normal to get an erection during my massage…
- I asked my mother if I was a gifted child…
- I asked my mum “How much is a couple?”…
- I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with…
- I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun…
- I ask my wife if we could try to do it doggy style…
- I beat cancer…
- I broke up with my girlfriend because she screamed too much during sex…
- I called my wife at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?” Sounding concerned, she said, “No…
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped…
- I call my weed “Yoda”, because it’s green and makes you talk funny
- I call my wife Bambi…