English language (47 jokes)

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because he needed 3² meals a day.

• 🔬 Scientist

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

All the good faith that I had had had had no effect on the outcome of that sentence.

A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. "Morning!" he calls out.
"No, just having a shit!"

• 💩 Poop

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused, I stared up at him and he sneered back.
And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

• 🦽 Disability

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"
I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

• 🍔 Food

boss: what is the problem
coworker: [pointing to me] that guy stole my thesaurus
me: he peddles falsehoods

CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie
AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?
CANADIAN: What's that about?
AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank

• 🇨🇦 Canada

Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure