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English language (49 jokes)

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because he needed 3ยฒ meals a day.

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A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference
For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

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All the good faith that I had had had had no effect on the outcome of that sentence.

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A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. “Morning!” he calls out.
“No, just having a shit!”

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A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: โ€œwhatโ€™s your blood type?โ€
โ€œIโ€™m probably a type Oโ€ said the rabbit.

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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.

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As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused, I stared up at him and he sneered back.
And I thought to myself, “well that’s a little condescending.”

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A vegan said to me, “people who sell meat are gross!”
I said, “people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

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boss: what is the problem
coworker: [pointing to me] that guy stole my thesaurus
me: he peddles falsehoods

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CANADIAN: Let’s watch a movie
AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?
CANADIAN: What’s that about?
AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank

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