I came, I clicked,
Sex (185 jokes)
See also:
16 to have sex, 18 to watch porn.
16 to smoke, 18 to buy cigarettes.
16 to join the army, 18 to play Call of Duty.
Logic of Britain
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says “I’ve been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean”
Clerk: “How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here’s a pack.” The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: “you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I’ll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky.”
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn’t say a word. After a while, his girlfriend says: “if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn’t have invited you.”
The young man replies “if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn’t have come.”
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks “How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?”
“Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we’ll show you.”
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
One man says “Since you’re our guest you get to go first.”
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey.
Then a man in the group asks “Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women.”
A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all.
Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.
Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest.
Now it’s your turn to speak.
A college professor noticed that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention.
So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: “Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer”.
Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
“Dave, is that you?”.
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A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.
The young man lowers his window. โUh, yes, officer?โ
The cop says: โWhat are you doing?โ
The young man says: โWell Officer, I’m reading a magazine.โ
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: โAnd her, what is she doing?โ
The young man shrugs: โSir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.โ
Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s laneโฆ and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: โWhat’s your age, young man?โ
The young man says โI’m 22, sir.โ
The cop asks: โAnd herโฆwhat’s her age?โ
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
โShe’ll be 18 in 11 minutes.โ
A farmer buys a young cock.
As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens.
The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.
Next day it’s fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head.
Farmer yells , “You deserve it, you horny bastard!”
The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky and whispers , “Shhhhhh, They’re about to land!!!”
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A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex.
The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says “they’re just making a puppy.” “OK” says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn’t probe further.
The next day, the son bursts into his parents’ room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he’s in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.
His son asks him “Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?” Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says “me and mommy were making a baby.” His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies “flip mommy over, I want a puppy!”
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A feminist told me about the “Dwayne Johnson Rule.”
The rule, as she explained it, was that in order to determine if a particular comment was appropriate to say to a woman, first ask yourself, ‘Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson?’ If not, don’t say it.
I thought this sounded like a good rule.
So I told her: “Your chest is fucking epic.”
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me.
She said, โYou may not feel anything from the waist down.โ
โFair enough,โ I replied, and felt her breasts.
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