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Social system (33 jokes)
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A journalist interviews a farmer:
“if you have two bungalows, are you willing to give one to the country?”
The farmer, without hesitation, “sure! For communism!”
Journalist: “if you have two tractors, will you give one to the country?”
Farmer: “of course! For the better development of our country!”
Journalist: “if you have two million bucks, will you give one million to the country?”
Farmer: “yes! For the livelihood of our comrades!”
Journalist: “if you have two cows, will you give one to the country?”
The farmer keeps silent and looking at the journalist, so the journalist has to ask again: “will you?”
The farmer answers firmly: “No”.
The journalist is confused: “you are so generous about money and houses and tractors, but why do you draw the line at cows?”
“Because”, says the farmer: “I do have two cows”.
A Kickstarter where you donate yearly based on your income and they build roads and hospitals and your kids can go to school for free.
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A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.
“We don’t sell alcohol to anyone under 18”, says the bartender.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”
The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”
Capitalist dictionary
- Freedom
- serving the rich
- Equality
- everyone gets to serve the rich.
- Happiness
- liking how you serve the rich.
- Failure
- your life’s work isn’t useful to the rich.
Democracy is a human governance system where your stupidity level does not correlate with the level of influence society grants you.
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God: To make you all safer, I’ve made sure 50% of humanity is alert in the morning and 50% in the evening
Humans: We’ll make the other 50% also get up in the morning
God: holdon
Humans: Not getting up at 5am is a moral failure
God: No, plz stop
Humans: society demands it, you bum