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Guns (14 jokes)

America was not shut down properly.
Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without the guns?

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A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, โ€œGive me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.โ€
The bank manager said to the clerk, โ€œYou'd better do what he says, I think he means business.โ€

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As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn't something trying to kill you...
โ€œSchoolโ€ is my answer.

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โ€œHumans will always murder, no gun law can change that!โ€ screams a country that outlawed too much toothpaste on a plane.

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I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder, so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.

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My boss: โ€œYou're fired.โ€
Me: turns in gun and badge
My boss: โ€œYou're a waiter where did you get thoseโ€

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My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

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President Trump is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts โ€œMickey Mouse!โ€ This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, โ€œWhy the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?โ€
Blushing, the agent replies, โ€œI got nervous. I meant to shout... Donald, duck!โ€

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What's the difference between a computer and an American?
An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
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What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
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