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Guns (14 jokes)
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America was not shut down properly.
Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare and without the guns?
A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, โGive me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established.โ
The bank manager said to the clerk, โYou’d better do what he says, I think he means business.โ
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you…
โSchoolโ is my answer.
โHumans will always murder, no gun law can change that!โ screams a country that outlawed too much toothpaste on a plane.
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I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder, so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.
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My boss: โYou’re fired.โ
Me: turns in gun and badge
My boss: โYou’re a waiter where did you get thoseโ
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.
Tomorrow, I’ll bring an MP5.
President Trump is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.
A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts โMickey Mouse!โ This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent’s supervisor asks him, โWhy the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?โ
Blushing, the agent replies, โI got nervous. I meant to shout… Donald, duck!โ
- What’s the difference between a computer and an American?
- An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.
- What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
- When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired