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Australia (6 jokes)
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An Aussie and a Maori walk into a bakery.
The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, “Pretty slick aye, bro? The owner didn’t even see me.”
Unimpressed, the Maori replies, “Typical dishonest Aussie, bro. I’m gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result.”
The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says, “Bro, I want to show you a magic trick.” Intrigued, the owner comes over. The Maori asks him for a pastry, which the owner gives him, and the Maori eats it. He asks for another and eats that, too. He asks for a third and eats it as well.
The owner says, “C’mon, mate. Where’s the magic trick?”
The Maori points to the Aussie and says, “Check his pockets.”
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An Australian goes to new Zealand and sees a guy fucking a sheep on the side of the road, he says mate, in Australia we shear our sheep.
The new Zealand guy says, fuck off, I’m not shearing her with anyone.
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you…
โSchoolโ is my answer.
I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, “Do you have a criminal record?”
I said “No. Is that still required?”