๐ŸŒฟ

Drugs (16 jokes)

A homeless guy asked me for money today.
I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill.
"Do I really want this money going towards drugs"?, I thought to myself.
"Nah"! So I gave him the $20.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

A little girl asks her mother, โ€œMommy, how was I born?โ€

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: โ€œOnce upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.โ€

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

A man who lays with another man should be stoned.
Leviticus 20:13
🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

Cocaine! Cocaine everywhere! Coโ€ฆ wait a secondโ€ฆ yepโ€ฆ that's snow. My bad.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

[first day on the job as a drug dealer] giggles "We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?"
gets stabbed

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

Given the current price of gas, it's cheaper to snort cocain and run where I gotta go.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

I call my weed "Yoda", because it's green and makes you talk funny.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

I'm okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.
So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.

I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck.

I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught Sunday school. Now I never had me a Christian girl, but I'm open minded so I took her to dinner.

On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs.

"Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children."

I said okay, weed's 50/50 some people do some people don't. And I took her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. When the waitress came to pour, she said she didn't drink.

I said "you don't drink?!?"

"Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children."

Excellent food, sparkling conversation but I'm bummed out, I don't know what to do with a girl like this.

So I'm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got to lose. So i ask:

"wanna get a room and knock boots?"

She says: I thought you'd never ask!

I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children?

She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You don't have to drink and do drugs to have a good time!

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

I used to smoke pot and go to class.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse.
Slink down low at my desk. Pray to god nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.

🔗View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚