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Drugs (19 jokes)

A homeless guy asked me for money today.
I looked in my pocket and all I had was a $20 bill.
“Do I really want this money going towards drugs”?, I thought to myself.
“Nah”! So I gave him the $20.

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A little girl asks her mother, โ€œMommy, how was I born?โ€

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: โ€œOnce upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.โ€

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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

A man who lays with another man should be stoned.
Leviticus 20:13
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Cocaine! Cocaine everywhere! Coโ€ฆ wait a secondโ€ฆ yepโ€ฆ that’s snow. My bad.

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[first day on the job as a drug dealer] giggles “We don’t have coke, is Pepsi ok?”
gets stabbed

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Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit.
I wonโ€™t beheading there anytime soon.
Although I heard it’s the best place to get stoned.

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Given the current price of gas, it’s cheaper to snort cocain and run where I gotta go.

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I call my weed “Yoda”, because it’s green and makes you talk funny.

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I could never abuse substances. I love substances.

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I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.

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