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LGBT (18 jokes)

A child asks his father what "gay" means
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?"
The father laughs and says "no son: I have a wife".

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A gay couple is traveling on a plane.

"What if we had sex?" asks Jeremiah.
"Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..."
"Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!"

Jeremiah stands up and asks loudly:
"Could I have a napkin, please?"

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. Flight attendants pretend to not hear them, as they also don't give a damn.
"They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Timothy.

So Jeremiah and Timothy have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.
"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!"
"I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a napkin and he got fucked in the ass..."

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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

A man who lays with another man should be stoned.
Leviticus 20:13
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Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each otherโ€”two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

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Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense
Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time

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I'm divorcing my wife.
First it was the poolboy, then the mailman, her ex-boyfriend, and my best friend. It's pretty clear...
I just really love dick.

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I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic...
I was in Daniel.

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I saw two men in matching outfits, I asked them if they were gay
They arrested me

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I was riding in an Uber with a gay male colleague when his Grindr app notification went off on his phone.
The female Uber driver said, "I know that sound - my husband plays that game all the time."

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My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather Arabic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which, without missing a beat the flight attendant replied, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

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