Explorers and desert islands (2 jokes)

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.
They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was.

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn’t anybody else in the island.
He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this…

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed…
“What’s wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked
“Nothing…” the guy would say…
She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him…
“Really?, you’ll do anything I’d like?”
“yes” she said “anything!”
“ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore”
“ok…”
“now put this shirt on please, but first, tape your boobs so they are flat”
“wha… ok, I did say I’d do anything” she said lovingly.
“ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it”

She was kinda confused, but none the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat.
“Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache”

“ok… if this is what you want…” she muttered.

“now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I’ll catch up to you in a bit”, he said a bit excited…

She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was h… suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: “DUDE!!! you won’t believe who I’ve been fucking for the past six months!”

• 👫 Man and woman

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “The three of you will die unless you manage to do a near impossible task. Each of you must gather 10 fruits of the same kind and bring them to me.”

The explorers cannot believe their luck at being given such an easy task. They set out their separate ways to find a fruit as fast as they can. The first one finds an apple tree and so quickly gathers 10 of them. The second one finds some cherries and plucks a bunch of them.They rush to the chieftain and present the fruits. The chieftain smiles and says, “ Now you must shove them up your ass one by one, and if you make any noise or facial expression I will slit your throat right here.”

The first explorer, resigned to his fate, puts on a brave face and starts shoving the apples. He gets to four and then he can’t take it anymore. As soon as he yells in despair, the chieftain takes his knife and slits his throat leaving him to bleed out on the ground.
The first explorer dies and reaches the gates of heaven, and while he is walking in he sees the second explorer running to catch up with him. “Why are you here? I thought you only had ten small cherries with you?” The first guy asks him.
The second explorer laughs and says “Well all was going fine and I was just sliding the ninth cherry inside, but then I saw our friend dragging a cart of the largest pineapples have seen behind him and I burst out laughing!”