Insults (53 jokes)

As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?

Calvin: “Dad, are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all of the opportunities you botched?”
Dad: “If I were, you can bet I’d be re-evaluating my strategy.”
Calvin to his mom, later: “Mom, Dad keeps insulting me.”

Could you put that in a memo and entitle it “Shit I already know”?

Did your parents have any children that lived?

Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

Do you know that there are four types of orgasm?

The Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.

1. The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
2. The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
3. The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
4. and the fake orgasm, the fake one goes ‟Oh insert the name of whoever you’re telling the joke to”

• 🍆 Sex

Do you realize that people just tolerate you?

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Go act mature somewhere else. This is the internet buddy.

• 🖥️ Technology

Here is to another year pretending I like you people!