Insults (52 jokes)
As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?🔗View joke
Calvin: "Dad, are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all of the opportunities you botched?"
Dad: "If I were, you can bet I'd be re-evaluating my strategy."
Calvin to his mom, later: "Mom, Dad keeps insulting me."
Could you put that in a memo and entitle it "Shit I already know"?🔗View joke
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.🔗View joke
Do you know that there are four types of orgasm?
The Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
- The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
- The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
- The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
- and the fake orgasm, the fake one goes ‟Oh insert the name of whoever you're telling the joke to”
Do you realize that people just tolerate you?🔗View joke
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.🔗View joke
Go act mature somewhere else. This is the internet buddy.🔗View joke
Here is to another year pretending I like you people!🔗View joke
I'd challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.🔗View joke