Antiquity (11 jokes)

A man is attending the burial of his wife, who has just died. When a passerby asks, “Who is it who rests in peace here?”, he answers, “Me, now that I’m rid of her!”

A misogynist stood in the marketplace and announced: “I’m putting my wife up for sale! Tax-free!” When people asked him why, he said: “So the authorities will impound her.”

• 🚺 Misogyny
• 💰 Money

An intellectual got a slave pregnant.
At the birth, his father suggested that the child be killed. The intellectual replied: “First murder your own children and then tell me to kill mine!”

A provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the streets was drawing everyone’s attention, as he was a real double of the emperor Augustus.
The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: “Tell me, young man, did your mother come to Rome anytime?”
The reply was: “She never did. But my father frequently was here.”

A runner going to participate in a contest had a dream that he was driving a quadriga. Early in the morning he goes to a dream interpreter for an explanation. The reply is: “You will win, the dream meant you have the speed and the strength of horses.” But, to be sure, the runner visits another dream interpreter. This one replies: “You will lose. Don’t you understand that four ones came to me before you?”

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

• 🍔 Food

I hate that SEPTember, OCTober, NOVember, and DECember aren’t the 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th months……
Whoever fucked this up should be stabbed!

One man complains to another:
“The slave you sold me died!”
“By the gods!”, the other replies. “During the time he was in my service, he never did such a thing!”

They say “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”
The most famous gift horse in history became a huge problem because no one bothered to look inside.

• 💭 Thoughts