Fantasy (71 jokes)
A genie granted me one wish, so I said “I just want to be happy.”
Now I’m living in a cottage with six dwarves and working in a mine.
All I’m saying is The Matrix told us that the only way to get out of the simulation is through a public phone booth.
And what suddenly started disappearing from the early 2000s? Phone booths.
Wake up people
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, “Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth.”
Reflecting, the man says, “I’ll take the wisdom”
“Wisdom is yours,” says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, “I should have taken the money.”
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”
The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”
As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero.
The Invisible Man
As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces together of the dead.
Cause if there is ever a zombie apocalypse, it will be hilarious.
batman: buys catwoman a drink
catwoman: slowly pushes drink off the table
Batman: I must save this city.
Alfred: Well you’re a billionaire so maybe redistr-
Batman: This bat suit is the only way.
Batman is like “oooh I dont ‘kill’ people that’s bad and evil I punch them until they are incapacitated with life altering injuries for life and have them put a strain on the healthcare system for the next 40 years. Oh, did i mention my family owns, like, all of the hospitals?”🔗View joke
Breaks my heart that pirates spend their whole lives following a map when the real treasure is the friendships they make along the way.🔗View joke