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In-laws (11 jokes)

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!
Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my daughter-in-law always asks my son :

"If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?
And because I do not want to put my son in a difficult position, I am learning to swim!"

A few days later husband and wife were quarrelling again and the daughter-in-law unreasonably asked: "now tell me! If your mom and I fall into water, whom will you save first?"

Husband replied:
"I don't have to get into the water, my mom knows how to swim, she will save you."

Wife refused to relent: "No, you have to jump into the water, and have to save one of us".
Husband replied: "Then you will surely die.... because I don't know to swim .... and my mom will definitely save me first."

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A golfer hits a ball and it misses the green by inches.
His partner says, "Thatโ€™s called a son-in-law shot. It is not what you expected, but you will take it"

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A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition.

On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!", says the wife, "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday. But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

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A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement.
When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

"What are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room.
In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
He replied, "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

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A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Mike loves me and wants me to wear this dress," she explained." It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me".

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch, waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered sensually.
"Needs ironing"...

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I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...
But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.

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Two men were in a pub.
One says to his mate, "My mother-in law is an angel."
His friend replies, "Youโ€™re lucky. Mine is still alive"

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Two old men are sitting on a bench.

One says to the other. "My daughter married the most wonderful man, he cooks, he cleans and he gets the kids off to school."
The other says, "My son married the laziest woman, she makes him cook, clean and get the kids off to school".

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What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?
A father in law
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What is the definition of mixed feelings?
When your Maserati goes over a cliff with your mother-in-law in it.
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