Life tips (9 jokes)

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.

Certainly the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you; if you don’t bet, you can’t win

If you need to cover a smell fast, cook bacon. It will overpower any other smells.

I’ve spent years building up a tolerance to laxatives. Just in case.

Put that you were Time’s 2006 person of the year on your resume/CV.
In 2006, Time made ‘Everyone” the person of the year.

Running from a fight might keep you from getting beat up.
But then again so can faking epilepsy.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?

Swallow magnets to become attractive.

Violence is not the answer.
Unless the question is what is not the answer.