I came, I clicked,
LGBT (18 jokes)
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My lesbian neighbours asked me to help them conceive a child recently
They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren’t man haters!
For six months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
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My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender.
I told her “how about just one boy and one girl? I don’t want to contribute to overpopulation.”
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell. Then all the other bells started to ring.
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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.
Jim turns to Bob, and says, “You know what, I’m going to go to college!”
He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.
“Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes,” the Dean says. “English, Math, Science, and Logic.”
“Logic?” Jim asks. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?”
Proudly, Jim responded, “Yes, I do.”
“Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn,” the Dean said.
“Yes, yes I do have a lawn!”
“Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house.”
“Yes, yes I do have a house!”
“And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family.”
“Yes, yes I do have a family!”
“And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you’re heterosexual.”
“Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can’t believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!” Jim exclaimed.
“Yeah, that’s what logic is,” the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob.
“Bob, I’m taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic,” Jim told Bob.
“Logic?” Bob asks. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?”
“No.”
“Then you’re gay.”
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.
They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,
It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
“What does gay mean?” asked a son to his father.
“It means ‘happy,’” the father answered.
“Oh,” replied the son, “so are you gay, then?”
“No, son, I have a wife.”