I came, I clicked,
Drugs (19 jokes)
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I swiped right on a girl without a picture, and we matched.
So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasnโt expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom.
I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5โ2โ, baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldnโt believe my luck.
I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught Sunday school. Now I never had me a Christian girl, but Iโm open minded so I took her to dinner.
On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs.
โOh heavenโs no, what would I tell my Sunday school children.โ
I said okay, weedโs 50/50 some people do some people donโt. And I took her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. When the waitress came to pour, she said she didnโt drink.
I said โyou donโt drink?!?โ
โOh heavenโs no, what would I tell my Sunday school children.โ
Excellent food, sparkling conversation but Iโm bummed out, I donโt know what to do with a girl like this.
So Iโm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got to lose. So i ask:
โwanna get a room and knock boots?โ
She says: I thought youโd never ask!
I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children?
She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You donโt have to drink and do drugs to have a good time!
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I used to smoke pot and go to class.
Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse.
Slink down low at my desk. Pray to god nobody asked me any questions.
I was the best teacher ever.
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovahโs Witness so he wouldnโt arouse suspicion.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed
I guess my property line isnโt where I thought it was
Pothead gets really high on some good shit and goes home.
Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes!
โ Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again! Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living roomโฆ
He opens the living room door, and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.
โ my bad pops, sorry.. .
He shuts the door.
โ Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the kitchen !
Our pothead rushes to the kitchen, opens the door and sees the same thing, his father is sitting there and reading a newspaper.
โ Uhmโฆ sorry popsโฆ
Shit, he is fastโฆ
โ Then I am going to hide in the balcony!!
He rushes to the balcony, opens the door and the same thingโฆ dad sitting there with the newspaperโฆ but before he gets to apologize:
โ Son, you open the bathroom door one more time, I am gonna come out and beat the shit out of you.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I canโt deal with high maintenance women
You want to know how old you really feel?
Stop drinking caffeine and popping ibuprofen. then, just wait.