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Social system (33 jokes)
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The best argument against Democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
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The next time you dislike your life, remember it’s all about perspective.
I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, has no financial worries, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time. And yet he constantly complains about how much he hates prison.
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The problem with jokes about communism is that they’re no good unless everyone gets them.
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There’s a rule that says bureaucracies follow a 3/2 law: to double productivity, you need three times many employees.
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Three fellows are unceremoniously dumped into a cell at the notorious Lubyanka Prison.
As often happens, talk turns to why they were arrested.
The first prisoner says: “Comrades, I was arrested because I said that Ivan Semnykov was a traitor to the Revolution.”
The second prisoner can’t believe his ears. “But comrades,” he says, “I was arrested because I said that Ivan Semnykov was a hero of the Revolution!”
The third prisoner says nothing at first, but after repeated prodding by the first two prisoners, he says, glumly:
“I am Ivan Semnykov.”
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TWITTER RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: would you like to see some porn your friends like?
FACEBOOK RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: this terrible thing happened a year ago!
AMAZON RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: buy five more TVs.
YOUTUBE RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: would you like to become a Nazi?
Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.
I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.
When I was a kid, mum used to send me to the shops with 50p. I could come home with a chicken, 2 pints of milk, 6 eggs, 2 packs of bacon and a comic book.
You can’t do that nowadays though because of that fucking CCTV.
When you quit your job to start your own business, you just substitute depression for anxiety.
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