I came, I clicked,
Sex (185 jokes)
See also:
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says…
“You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”
His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob?’ … and she’s always sound asleep.”
🔗View joke
WARNING: AdBlock makes you unattractive to women. I just installed it and now all the horny singles in my area have suddenly lost interest
🔗View joke
Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.
She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”
I replied: “He can smell she is ready . That’s how nature works.”
We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.
Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?”
I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”
We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.
My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”
I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”
Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.
She said: “Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19. You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”
- What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet?
- I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.
- What does sex and the U.S. Military have in common?
- When you pull out at the wrong time you end up wasting 20 years and a lot of money
- What’s the difference between a rimshot and a rimjob?
- One goes ba dum tiss, the other is da bum kiss.
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned.
Or she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet.
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
🔗View joke