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All jokes (1,802 jokes)
- An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps…
- An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives…
- An Englishman is hiking in Scotland and he pauses to drink from a stream…
- An expert is someone who’s committed all the possible mistakes in a field
- A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks…
- An incompetent astrologer cast a man’s horoscope and said: “You are unable to father children
- An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar…
- An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill…
- An intellectual got a slave pregnant…
- An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing…
- An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery…
- An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake…
- An old man is selling watermelons…
- Anti-vaxers really be like “You’re just gonna listen to doctors who studied medicine for 10 years? Wow enjoy being sheep, I’m gonna listen to a stay at home moms Facebook page cause I’m an independent thinker”
- A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters…
- Anxiety tip: next time you cringe over some embarrassing moment you had years ago, try to remember other people’s embarrassing moments…
- Anybody on here with knowledge regarding noisy dishwashers? …
- Anyone who believes in huge conspiracy theories obviously hasn’t tried to get a small group of people to perform a simple task
- Anyone who expects to feel safe in a driverless car has never owned a printer
- Anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time
- A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute…
- A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood…
- A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides…
- A philosopher visiting his country estate asked if the water in a well there was good to drink…
- A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting…
- A pirate goes to the doctor and say, “I have moles on me back aaarrrghh…
- A policeman was interrogating three guys who were training to become detectives…
- A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license…
- A politician visited an Indian village and asked what their needs were…
- A post mortem? Ha! That would require us to have some idea as to what just happened
- Apparently my family is racist, I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us
- A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim…
- A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank…
- A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair…
- A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital…
- A prison guard went into work one day, and he was surprised to see one of his friends locked in a cell…
- A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy…
- A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past…
- A provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the streets was drawing everyone’s attention, as he was a real double of the emperor Augustus…
- A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children…
- A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car that breaks down in the countryside one evening…
- A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open…
- A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town…
- are u http? because without u im just ://
- A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, “Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession…
- A runner going to participate in a contest had a dream that he was driving a quadriga
- A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier…
- A Russian general hears a voice from behind a hill: “A single Ukrainian is worth 10 Russian soldiers”…
- As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please…
- As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero…
- A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan…
- As a mortician, I always tie the shoelaces together of the dead…
- As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn’t* something trying to kill you…
- As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?
- As a responsible employer, during COVID all my staff was in a two week quarantine…
- As I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself: maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
- As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way…
- As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said…
- As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter……
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden…
- As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall…
- A sixth grade teacher asks her class how many were Trump fans…
- As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way
- A soldier ran up to a nun…
- A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo…
- A solider at war survived mustard gas and being pepper sprayed…
- A sperm cell contains about 37…
- A startup celebrating raising capital is like celebrating that you bought condoms before a date
- A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night…
- Astronaut 1: “I can’t find any milk for my coffee”…
- As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced “Ladies and Gentlemen don’t forget to adjust your watches to local time”…
- At birth, success is being alive…
- A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”…
- A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories…
- A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house…
- At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who’s next
- Attack a single man freedom, no one cares, attack the banks, the world goes in panic
- At the parole hearing, the officer asked, “Tell me, why should you be released early?”…
- A Ukrainian peasant finds a genie in a bottle…
- Australians don’t have sex…
- A vegan said to me, “people who sell meat are gross!”…
- A wealthy politician released her tax returns for the public to view, according to custom…
- A weasel walks into a bar…
- A web developer walked into a bar
- A white scientist is studying an African tribe…
- A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday…
- A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out…
- A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house…
- A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door…
- A wise doctor once said…
- A wise person once said, “Hardware eventually fails
- A woman asked an Army General when was the last time he had made love to a woman…
- A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon…
- A woman comes into the garage and finds his husband, hanged…
- A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you…
- A woman goes to buy a parrot…
- A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and a Prada purse…
- A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport…
- A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door…
- A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench…