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All jokes (1,743 jokes)
- When I was a kid, mum used to send me to the shops with 50p…
- When I was a kid, my parents would always say “Excuse my French” after a swear word…
- When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex…
- When I was growing up, `#` was pound, not hashtag…
- When I was in high school, the school board decided that the biology students had to pay for the fetal pigs that were being dissected…
- When I was young, my father emphasized every day how important it was to wear a condom if I ever had sex…
- When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug
- When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken…
- When suicide is the *only* cause of death, we’ll know we’ve either completely succeeded or completely failed
- When the fifty dwarves were down to eight, the others started getting suspicious of Hungry
- When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers
- When you breathe, you inspire
- When you quit your job to start your own business, you just substitute depression for anxiety
- When you say “poop” your mouth moves in the same way your anus does…
- When you say “poop” your mouth moves the same way your anus does when you poop…
- Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? …
- Where do little jokes come from? …
- Which one doesn’t belong: eggs, your wife, or a blow job? …
- While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything…
- While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there…
- While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink…
- While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed…
- White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do…
- Whoever told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice
- Who needs the dang metric system when we have a perfectly good system of measurement based off the foot size of and old English king?
- Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve done nothing for the past few years
- Who stumbles without falling makes a bigger step
- Who wants serial killers when you can have much faster parallel killers?
- Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls? …
- Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear
- Why are murders so difficult to solve in Alabama? …
- Why be informed when you can use your own feelings as fact?
- Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? …
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl pee? …
- Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on Mars? …
- Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill on January 2021? …
- Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete? …
- Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? …
- Why didn’t 4 ask out 5…
- Why didn’t Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? …
- Why did the man miss the funeral? …
- Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3? …
- Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? …
- Why does a a duck have feathers? …
- Why does Batman only wear dark colors? …
- Why doesn’t George R…
- Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients? …
- Why do North Koreans draw lines so well? …
- Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? …
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? …
- Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable like a coma?
- Why do paintings of people centuries ago never show pimples? …
- Why do people think simple solutions are cheap? Simple is hard
- Why do police get to protests early? …
- Why do we only get two sets of teeth but unlimited fucking toenails?
- why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? …
- WHY HAVE NONE OF YOU TOLD ME THAT 1337% OF π IS 42?!
- Why haven’t Aliens visited our Solar System yet? …
- Why is EA the worst gaming company in America? …
- Why is every gender equality officer female? …
- Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? …
- Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? …
- Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? …
- Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? …
- Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? …
- Why play so hard to get when you’re already so hard to want?
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? …
- Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying? …
- Why was the leper hockey game canceled? …
- Why was Yoda afraid of 7? …
- Why would anyone choose to go big when the alternative is getting to go home?
- Why would you rather deal with a vicious dog than your father-in-law? …
- Wife: Does this dress make me look fat? …
- Wife: I’m pregnant…
- Wife was breastfeeding…
- Wife was cleaning 12 year old son’s bedroom…
- wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium…
- witch: *turns me into a frog* now suffer…
- With a president like that, who needs terrorists?
- When Britain left the EU, how much space was freed up? …
- With inflation at 7
- With its overseas territories, France uses 12 different time zones
- Work It Harder…
- “Work like a slave, command like a king, create like a god…
- Would men mansplain less if we refer to it instead as correctile dysfunction?
- Wouldn’t the sentence ‘I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign’ have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?
- Yes, our happiness is based on things we don’t need and governed by entities we don’t control, so what? …
- Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar…
- Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian…
- Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly…
- Yes, yes Java updater…
- Yo mama so ugly her blowjob counts as anal
- You are as a candle, better burnt out
- You are much more likely to get what you ask for than what you deserve
- You are the human equivalent of a participation award
- “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing after they have tried everything else…
- You can always spot extroverted mathematicians — they’re the ones who look at your feet
- You can go a long way with a smile
- You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy marshmallow which is kinda the same thing