I came, I clicked,
👍
All jokes (1,743 jokes)
- Did your parents have any children that lived?
- Dinosaurs literally got taken out on the same planet we walk on today and people still think we’re invincible…
- Œdipus was the first motherfucker
- disruptive startup seeking disruptive disrupters to disrupt disruption
- Distinguishing between facts and other people’s opinions is easy, but distinguishing between facts and your own opinions, much harder
- Do all black people have a problem with slavery ? …
- Do centaur babies suckle from the horse nipples, or the human nipples?
- “Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone…
- Doctor *handing me my new born baby*: I’m sorry but your wife didn’t make it…
- Doctor: Your girlfriend is pregnant !…
- Does anyone know if its possible to take a skin graft from your buttocks and put it on somebody who isn’t family? …
- Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
- Does this smell like chloroform to you?
- Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”…
- Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for…
- Do not follow where the path may lead
- Dont, be evil…
- Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight
- “Don’t forget the message”…
- Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining
- “Don’t worry,” said the cosmologist, “it will all be 0K in the end
- Do you have a hobby, Leonid Ilyich? …
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? …
- Do you know that there are four types of orgasm? …
- Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? …
- Do you realize that people just tolerate you?
- Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring?
- Do you want to know why the republicans won’t impeach Trump? …
- Dude 1: Hey, bro? …
- Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million…
- Due to company password policy we will be requiring all staff who get an iPhone to have their face surgically altered every 90 days
- During sex…
- During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband…
- Dxar Olivxtti…
- Easy peasy lemon squeazy? Or difficult pifficult lemon squifficult?
- eBay is so useless…
- ebay: you need to list if your item is used or new…
- Education is important but big biceps is importanter
- Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives…
- A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar…
- Europeans’ out of offices are like “I will not be working until 18 September…
- Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs
- Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid? …
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t…
- Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes…
- “Everything not saved will be lost”…
- Every year, unknowingly, we pass the anniversary of our future death
- Excuse me, but I’m really attracted to you and according to Newton’s law of gravitation, you’re attracted to me
- Fact: the best way to stop piracy is to call your band Naked Children or Child pornography
- Fahrenheit is how people feel…
- Failure is an important part of the learning process…
- Few things unite an engineering team like mutual distaste for Jira
- Fighting for peace is like fucking for virgin
- [first day on the job as a drug dealer] *giggles* “We don’t have coke, is Pepsi ok?”…
- First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win
- First time my account creation is rejected on a website with error: “Password already used by another user”
- Follow me on Instagram, I’ll buy you an imaginary ice cream cone
- “For all I know, the universe started on January 1st 1970 exactly at midnight”…
- For an experiment, my son has been wearing a different Manchester United top for two weeks…
- For anyone attending Stan Lee’s funeral…
- For every ‘normal” web page, there are five porn pages
- Forget everything you learned in college…
- For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them
- Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are…
- Fox News: “Why did America waste money landing on a comet?”…
- Frederick is the best name because it has 6 names in it
- French lesson…
- FRODO: what is it? …
- From: $user who for whatever reason came in on Monday when no one else was in the building…
- Fun fact: Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel while on his back cause once they’re on their shell a turtle can’t flip over
- Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense…
- Genders are like the Twin Towers…
- Genie: You have 3 wishes…
- Genie: You have 3 wishes…
- “Gentlemen, we have run out of money…
- George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie…
- George: Condi! Nice to see you…
- German has the most amazing words! “genduneglissakaftken” means when English speakers make up a completely new word and pretend it’s a normal word german people say everyday
- Girl: “Come over”…
- Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned…
- Girls just wanna have funds
- Girls who talks about girls’ problems are great…
- Give a man a camera and he’ll point it at a woman…
- Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day…
- Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day
- Give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day…
- Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day…
- Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day…
- Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day…
- Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank
- Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank…
- Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours
- Give a man a shirt, and he’ll wear it once…
- Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it’s strange that the town in the movie Cars is called “Radiator Springs…
- Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit…
- Given the current price of gas, it’s cheaper to snort cocain and run where I gotta go
- Glue a tiny mirror over your drivers license photo so when you hand it to the police they will get confused and arrest themselves instead
- Go act mature somewhere else
- God creates dinosaurs…
- God: To make you all safer, I’ve made sure 50% of humanity is alert in the morning and 50% in the evening…