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All jokes (1,743 jokes)
- This is my new game
- This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast…
- This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men…
- Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do
- Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together…
- Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…
- Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House…
- Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle…
- Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex…
- Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with…
- Three guys bet on who can make their wife scream more from sex…
- Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives…
- Three men, an Italian, a French and a Spanish went for a job interview in England…
- Three nuns die and go to Heaven…
- Three people, a Welshman, a Scotsman and an Englishman, are walking along together when they come across a genie…
- Three porn stars were getting drunk, and they started bragging to each other about their exploits…
- Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won’t leave you broken-hearted…
- Three women are talking about ways to initiate sex with their husbands…
- Tick tick tick
- TIL: “the reverse bus factor”: how many people should be hit by a bus for the team to be doing better
- Time is a drug
- Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once
- Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year’s resolution was…
- Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera
- Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy…
- Today, I learned that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child’s body in less than a minute…
- Today I saw an ad that said “radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full…
- Today, I shocked the hell out of the postman by opening the door completely naked…
- Today I thought of a color that doesn’t exist, but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination
- Today I went on http://thesaurus
- Today my carelessness made someone late for work
- Today my son asked, “Can you lend me a book mark?”…
- Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home…
- Today was the worst day of my life
- To every problem there is a right solution, a Java solution, a PHP solution and one that uses regex
- Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help…
- Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy
- TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND……
- Top tip: this winter, hide a collection of bones in your snowman as a surprise for the children when it melts
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner…
- To triple 1034482758620689655172413793, simply move the final 3 to the front
- Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings…
- Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one…
- When Trump tested positive for COVID-19, that was the first test he passed without cheating
- Twelve priests were about to be ordained…
- Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think “Baby it’s cold outside” is really weird, and we’re gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time…
- TWITTER RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: would you like to see some porn your friends like? …
- Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table…
- Two Canadians die and end up in Hell…
- Two cowboys are lost in the desert…
- Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top…
- Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs…
- Two girls meet…
- Two hardcore Trump supporters die and ascend to heaven…
- Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says “Convert to Christianity, and we’ll give you $100…
- Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston…
- Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says…
- Two men are drinking in a bar, and they pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in…
- Two men only have a dollar for their night out and they want to get wasted…
- Two men were in a pub…
- Two nuns are walking down the street when they notice that a man is following them…
- Two old men are arguing about the history and the splendors of Athens and Rome…
- Two old men are sitting on a bench…
- Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip…
- Two scientists walk into a bar…
- Two tampons are walking past each other, which one says “hi” first? …
- Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers…
- Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them…
- Two workers and their boss were walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp…
- Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter…
- Under no circumstances should humanity create machines in our own image
- Unless you’re over 60, you weren’t promised flying cars…
- Unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic…
- US has oil, weapons of mass destruction and massive democratic instability
- “Uuuuuur Ahhhhhrrr Uhrrr Ahhhrrr Aaargh”…
- V…
- Violence is not the answer…
- Virtual meetings are basically modern seances…
- voldemort: so yeah suck it my soul is split across seven unique objects…
- Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project…
- WARNING: AdBlock makes you unattractive to women
- Watching the federal government deal with COVID-19 is like watching the Ministry of Magic deal with Voldemort’s return
- We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
- We are Schrodinger’s cats…
- Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy…
- “We build our computer…
- Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating…
- We should’ve known communism would fail…
- We’ve discovered a planet almost identical to Earth; if it turns out Apple made it expect God to be receiving a lawsuit soon
- We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face…
- “We will either find a way, or make one…
- What are you doing? …
- “What are your real feelings about your mother?”…
- What Asian stereo type do you hear the most? …
- What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it? …
- What borders on stupidity? …
- What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? …
- What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died? …
- What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? …
- What did Pikachu say when he saw Charizard? …