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All jokes (1,802 jokes)
- THERAPIST: what do we say when we’re afraid of getting out of bed? …
- There are three types of showers…
- There are two identical twin brothers that live together…
- “There are two things in the world you never wanna let people see how you make them: laws and sausages…
- There are two types of people in this world…
- The reason Batman doesn’t cover his whole face is because he needs the police to know he’s white
- There cannot be a crisis next week
- “There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists…
- There is a new guy at work called Wayne Bruce, and I said “ah, manbat, my old Nemesis”…
- There is an old saying about knife fighting: loser dies on the street, winner dies in the ambulance
- There is a saying in France that the higher a monkey climbs, the more he shows his bottom
- There is a type of mushrooms that, if eaten only once, is enough to feed a person until the end of his life
- There is no features
- There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator…
- There’s a guy on the train doing nothing, no smartphone, just staring out of the window
- There’s a rule that says bureaucracies follow a 3/2 law: to double productivity, you need three times many employees
- There’s a thin line between word and world
- There’s a world of difference between, “let’s eat, Timmy,” and “let’s eat Timmy…
- There’s love without sex and there’s sex without love…
- There was a farm nearby, so I went to get some fertilizer, but I decided to bring it back…
- There was a homeless man with a sign that said “One dollar for dirty joke…
- There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match…
- There was an old man who lived by a forest…
- There was a woman who had 100 kids…
- There were 53 kilobytes of digital memory worldwide in 1953
- These are the type of people who forget to breath and die; so I’ll just let it go
- The S in IoT stands for ‘security’
- The son went to his dad and asked him, “Dad, what’s an alcoholic?”…
- The spread of COVID-19 is based on two factors…
- The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier
- The taste of their food and the face of their women made the British man the best sailors in the world
- The three unwritten rules of life…
- “The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit…
- The truth is I love you……
- “The United States can always be relied upon to do the right thing — having first exhausted all possible alternatives…
- The universe is born…
- The Use of Computers in Movies…
- The woman who injected her 8 year-old daughter with Botox has lost custody…
- The world hates change, yet it is the only thing that has brought progress
- The worst moment at proctology college is the first time the instructor says, “Okay, everyone partner up
- The year is 2027 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president…
- They laughed at my crayon drawing
- They made a Guinness with 0
- They say “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”…
- They say God only gives us what we can handle…
- They say makeup sex is awesome, but it just leaves my dick covered in lipstick
- They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach
- They told me I wouldn’t be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic…
- This girl really hated me and wanted to ruin my reputation or something…
- This is a good life lesson : never try anything new, or you will fail
- This is my new game
- This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast…
- This shutdown is bad for everyone in the service industry, but it especially sucks for men…
- Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do
- Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together…
- Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar…
- Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House…
- Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle…
- Three fellows are unceremoniously dumped into a cell at the notorious Lubyanka Prison…
- Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex…
- Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with…
- Three guys bet on who can make their wife scream more from sex…
- Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives…
- Three men, an Italian, a French and a Spanish went for a job interview in England…
- Three nuns die and go to Heaven…
- Three people, a Welshman, a Scotsman and an Englishman, are walking along together when they come across a genie…
- Three porn stars were getting drunk, and they started bragging to each other about their exploits…
- Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won’t leave you broken-hearted…
- Three women are talking about ways to initiate sex with their husbands…
- Tick tick tick
- TIL: “the reverse bus factor”: how many people should be hit by a bus for the team to be doing better
- Time is a drug
- Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once
- Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year’s resolution was…
- Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera
- Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy…
- Today, I learned that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child’s body in less than a minute…
- Today I saw an ad that said “radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full…
- Today, I shocked the hell out of the postman by opening the door completely naked…
- Today I thought of a color that doesn’t exist, but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination
- Today I went on http://thesaurus
- Today my carelessness made someone late for work
- Today my son asked, “Can you lend me a book mark?”…
- Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home…
- Today was the worst day of my life
- To every problem there is a right solution, a Java solution, a PHP solution and one that uses regex
- Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help…
- Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy
- TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND……
- Top tip: this winter, hide a collection of bones in your snowman as a surprise for the children when it melts
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner…
- To triple 1034482758620689655172413793, simply move the final 3 to the front
- Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings…
- Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a criminal president under constant federal investigation from day one…
- When Trump tested positive for COVID-19, that was the first test he passed without cheating
- Twelve priests were about to be ordained…
- Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think “Baby it’s cold outside” is really weird, and we’re gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time…
- TWITTER RECOMMENDATION ALGORITHM: would you like to see some porn your friends like? …
- Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table…
- Two Canadians die and end up in Hell…