Sex (185 jokes)

If you watch the world backwards it’s about a bunch of animals having sex until there are none left. That’s also what it’s about forwards.

• 🐪 Animals

I got thrown out of math class today.
The teacher asked me “If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?”

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn’t the answer…

• 👨‍🏫 Teacher

I had sex with my kid’s teacher.
I have to tell my wife how much I appreciate her taking a break from homeschooling the kids for a quick romp with me.
The pandemic isn’t all bad!

• 👨‍🏫 Teacher

I heard the joke of the man, with no penis, about to ejaculate.

But it came out of nowhere.

I know I can’t have your virginity, but can I play with the box it came in?

I laugh every time I imagine an old guy saying “in my day vampires were scary, now they’re gay male models. Vampires suck blood, not cock”

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1

I like your hair! Can I pull it from behind?

I’m giving up masturbating for an entire month.
Sorry, bad punctuation.

I’m giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.

• 🇬🇧 English language

I’m planning a charity event for people who struggle to achieve an orgasm.
If you can’t come, let me know