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Sex (185 jokes)
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Guys only have two moods: Hungry and horny, so if he’s not asking for sex, make him a sandwich.
🔗View jokeHave spent morning testing Stephen Fry’s gender theories by asking random women for sexโฆ He’s right! They’re just not interested.
🔗View jokeHello everyone! I’m a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.
I will be in my Lab if you need me.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
- She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
- She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
- She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
- She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
- She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
- She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
- She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
- She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
- She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
- She is not a prostitute - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
- She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORIALLY SUPERIOR.
- She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
- He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
- He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
- He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
- He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
- He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
- He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
- He does not have his HEAD UP HIS ASS - He has developed a case of CRANIAL-RECTAL INVERSION.
- He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
- He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
- He is not HORNY - he is SEXUALLY FOCUSED
I broke up with my girlfriend because she screamed too much during sex
Sometimes I could hear it two blocks away
โI can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,โ my wife screamed at me. โI’m really disappointed.โ
โYou can hardly blame me,โ I answered. โIt’s not like I was getting any from you.โ
โWell, that’s your own fault,โ she replied. โYou never told me you were willing to pay for it.โ
If you only sucked average sized penises…
You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.