Guys only have two moods: Hungry and horny, so if he’s not asking for sex, make him a sandwich.

• 💭 Thoughts

Have spent morning testing Stephen Fry’s gender theories by asking random women for sex… He’s right! They’re just not interested.

• 🛋️ Psychiatrist

Having a vibrator die on you when masturbating is like having sex with a man.

• 🚹 Misandry

Hello everyone! I’m a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.
I will be in my Lab if you need me.

• 🔬 Scientist

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a prostitute - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORIALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not have his HEAD UP HIS ASS - He has developed a case of CRANIAL-RECTAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
10. He is not HORNY - he is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

I ask my wife if we could try to do it doggy style…

She rolled over and played dead.

I broke up with my girlfriend because she screamed too much during sex
Sometimes I could hear it two blocks away

• 🔥 Cheating

“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.”
“Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

• 🔥 Cheating
• 👫 Man and woman
• 🏩 Prostitute

If you angrily masturbate to a picture of another guys money and jizz in your mouth, you’ve committed all 7 deadly Sins.

If you masturbate after smoking marijuana….
Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?