I came, I clicked,
Man and woman (116 jokes)
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My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost interest in that relationship.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says โStay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.โ
Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks โDo you want to have sex before she gets back?โ
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said โI knew I could trust you.โ
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
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My girlfriend just emailed me.
She said, “thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative”
Does anyone know what “ternative” mean?
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My girlfriend said, “You act like a detective too much. I want to split up.”
“Good idea,” I replied. “We can cover more ground that way.”
My girlfriend told me I only have two faults: apparently it’s everything I say, and everything I do
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My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.
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My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, “You weren’t even listening just now, were you?!”
I thought, “Man, what a weird way to start a conversation.”
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, โThis isn’t working.โ
I’m not sure what he’s talking about? I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her.
Instead I just swam for the surface.