Thoughts (216 jokes)

A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it is committing another mistake.

Among mollusks, there is none with a more elaborate shell than the “human” tongue.

An argument is when you are trying to determine WHO is right, a conversation is when you are trying to determine WHAT is right.

An expert is someone who’s committed all the possible mistakes in a field.

• 🔬 Scientist

Anything less than immortality is a complete waste of time.

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.

At birth, success is being alive.
At age 3, success is not pooping your pants.
At age 10, success is having friends.
At age 16, success is having a driver’s license.
At age 20, success is having sex.
At age 30, success is having money.

At age 40, success is having money.
At age 55, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is having a driver’s license.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not pooping your pants.
At age 100, success is being alive.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who’s next.

Before criticizing people, walk a mile in their shoes.
Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Being 28 in 2025: I’m not ready for a relationship.
Being 28 in 1825: I have 13 kids.
Being 28 in 1000BC: I lived a good life, thrice I ate a berry and once a pear