Thoughts (215 jokes)

Why do we only get two sets of teeth but unlimited fucking toenails?

Why would anyone choose to go big when the alternative is getting to go home?

Would men mansplain less if we refer to it instead as correctile dysfunction?

• 🚹 Misandry

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.

You are much more likely to get what you ask for than what you deserve.

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

You’re cooler than me?
Guess that makes me hotter than you.