Thoughts (221 jokes)

Never turn down a breath mint.

Nice things to whisper when hugging someone:

• you smell different when you’re awake
• please help me (then smile as if nothing happened)
• soon
• you have lovely skin, i can’t wait to wear it
• your hair tastes like strawberries
• tonight… you.
• he knows, don’t go home.
• i always knew you would die in my arms
• every time i poop i think of you
• no one will ever believe you
• yesssssssssssssss
• i killed mufasa
• i bet you didn’t feel me lick your ear
• mother told me it would be like this

Nobody ever regrets playing Russian Roulette, they only regret inviting their friends.

• ⚰️ Dark humor

Not all mysteries are solvable, but the joy comes in the pursuit.

On a scale of one to invade Russia in winter, how bad is your idea?

One day I’m going to be too lazy to breathe and just die.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.

People call me Blister. I show up when all the hard work is done.

People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness.