I came, I clicked,
Technology (195 jokes)
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โMr President, at 0600 hours we received the following message from outside the solar system. Sergeant, bring it onscreen from NASA.โ
โJesus that’s indecipherable.โ
โOh, No, sorry Mr President, that’s a Perl script we use to connect to the satellite. Give it a second.โ
My day job is to speak in an arcane snake language to a crystal vibrating at 3,000,000,000 cycles per second sitting in a cloud so that it can alter probabilities in the real world. If that isn’t magic what is.
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My girlfriend told me that I care about programming more than about her.
I told her that in array of my interests she is [1] - she was satisfied
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
My son came home as I was taking his door off its hinges and asked โDad what are you doing?โ
โWe’ve updated our privacy policyโ
My workshop โHow to deal with unreliable contributorsโ got accepted at a conferenceโฆ And I just didn’t go.
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Old people who can fix cars, make clothes and build furniture think young people are good at technology because they can click on a picture.
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Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.
His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art.
Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.
Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And all the realm realized, instantly, that it was Sam, and Sam was the first person in history to hit one of the rumored Magical Notes that musicians had theorized must exist… yet no one before Sam had ever reached one.
And on Sam’s 20th birthday, it happened again. This time, the town below was so impacted that no one moved, spoke, or even blinked for several minutes after. As the golden sound finally tapered off and ceased, they knew that Sam had found the Second Note…
And the next year on Sam’s birthday, the town had realized there was a pattern involved. This time, all of the townspeople were present in the monastery’s nave, watching in awe, as Sam hit the glorious Third Note. People cried out in pure joy as the sound grew to a glorious crescendo. Words cannot do justice to the experience. The town flourished, as Sam’s notes made the people pure all the way to the core of their beings.
And on it went for the next few years, the Magical Notes growing sweeter and sweeter… until, that is, Sam’s 25th birthday. All at first seemed as normal… until Sam hit the Magical Note. From the start, Sam seemed very uncomfortable, and this new sound was not beautiful… it was jarring and discordant. Sam started to get very warm, and was visibly sweating onstage. He doubled his resolve and dug deeper, to get to the sweet part of the Magical Note that he knew must be there.
Suddenly, to the horror of all, Sam spontaneously combusted! The two closest monks on stage were burned by the flames coming off of his body, and he ignited the stage curtains. Soon the entire monastery was aflame.
By a miracle, everyone made it out, except for poor Sam.
The townsfolk were left staring at the burning monastery in sad, stunned disbelief.
The mayor approached the lead monk of the order. “What happened?” he asked, exasperated.
The old monk shook his head sadly. “Isn’t it obvious?” he said. “Sam sung Note 7.”
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