I came, I clicked,
Work (46 jokes)
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Europeans’ out of offices are like “I will not be working until 18 September. All emails will be automatically deleted.”
Americans: “I am in the hospital. Email responses may be delayed by up to 30 mins. Sorry for the inconvenience! If urgent, please reach me in the ER at…”
â Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.
â But I never went to college.
â Well then, I’m sorry. You are under qualified to work here.
From: $user who for whatever reason came in on Monday when no one else was in the building.
To: IT Dept.
Re: A/C constantly running.
Hi Guys,
I came in today (Monday) to finish up a project I was working on before our big meeting with a potential client tomorrow, and I noticed that there were three or four large air conditioners running the entire time I was here. Since it’s a three day weekend, no one is around, why do we need to have the A/C running 24/7? With all the power that all those big computers in that room use, I doubt it is really eco-friendly to run those big units at the same time. And all computers have cooling fans anyway, so why put the A/C for the building in that room? I got a keycard from $facilitiesmanager’s desk and shut off the A/C units. I’m sure you guys can deal with it being warm for an hour or two when you come in tomorrow morning. In the future, let’s try to be a little more conscientious of our energy usage. Thanks.
RESULT:
Fatalities: Exchange Server, Domain Controllers, a few Sun boxes that I’m not sure of the usage.
Near-Fatalities: Phone Switch, Apps Servers.
Temperature of server room 7AM Tuesday Morning: 90 Degrees Fahrenheit.
Status of Employee who sent the above e-mail: Terminated.
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Human resources manager: what is your biggest weakness?
Interviewee: my honesty.
Human resources manager: I don’t think that’s a weakness
Interviewee: I don’t give a fuck what you think
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my illegal logging business is a success.
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If you’d told me 10 years ago I’d be able to play real Mario Kart on the bus to work, I would not have believed I would get a bus to work.
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I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.