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Thoughts (221 jokes)

A random joke in this category?

The asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in Earth’s history.

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The average person is dumb, and half of them are dumber than that
George Carlin
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The awkward moment when a sentence doesn’t end the way you think it blowjob.

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The closer you are to death, the harder you cling to life.

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“The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed” might be my favorite saying of the week.

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The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the Axe for the Axe was clever and convinced the Trees that because his handle was made of wood, he was one of them
Turkish Proverb
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The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

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The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life

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The Matrix described 1999 as the peak of human civilization and I laughed, because obviously that would not age well.
But then years happened and now I’m like yeah okay, maybe the machine had a point.

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The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.
Gladys Bronwyn Stern
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