Thoughts (216 jokes)

I’m gonna go take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.

I’m not arguing.
I’m explaining why I’m right.

I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.

I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I’m teaching my kids to play Mario Kart so they know life is kind of fun but mostly infuriating and unfair.

• 🖥️ Technology

In a real life rock-paper-scissors fight, paper isn’t great.

In Monopoly, if no one ever buys a property, everyone gets richer and no one loses.

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

I now know that the thing I want MOST in the world is a parrot trained to say “OK Google”

• 🐪 Animals
• 🖥️ Technology