Technology (195 jokes)

If you write out the basic facts of trees, but framed as technology, it sounds like impossible sci-fi nonsense. Self-replicating, solar-powered machines that synthesize carbon dioxide and rainwater into oxygen and sturdy building materials on a planetary scale.

• 💭 Thoughts

I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety. Before I got arrested I said “wait I can explain everything”

• 👮‍♂️ Policeman

I have a joke about UDP, but I’m not sure you’ll get it.

I love how bank transfers are the canonical database transaction example when banks take days to execute them and allow dirty reads the entire time

I’m a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.
4G must’ve fried their brains.

Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”

I met an Amish programmer. I asked, isn’t using advanced technology against your religion? He said, Ja, that’s why we code in PHP.

I’m teaching my kids to play Mario Kart so they know life is kind of fun but mostly infuriating and unfair.

• 💭 Thoughts

I’m thinking remote employees would be more popular if we en masse rename ourselves “employees in the cloud”.

I now know that the thing I want MOST in the world is a parrot trained to say “OK Google”

• 🐪 Animals
• 💭 Thoughts