Technology (195 jokes)

Story idea: A time traveller from 2011 visits Netscape circa 1994 and shows them 4chan /b/. Everyone quits and the web never takes off.

“taptap-taptaptap-tap-tap”. That’s coding.
“taptap-taptaptap-tap-TAP”. That’s a deploy.

TECH CONSUMERS: Alexa decides what music I listen to, what my children eat, and who can open my door.
TECH WORKERS: my address is a secret and my children play with rocks

The C programming language — a language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language.

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.

“The generated code is machine-agnostic.”
“…It doesn’t believe in the machine?”
“No, no. It doesn’t know if it believes in the machine.”

The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.

• 🐪 Animals

The main idea of “Inception”: if you run a VM inside a VM inside a VM inside a VM, everything will be very slow.

The next iPhone update includes several autocorrection fixes. For instance, typing “Android” will autocorrect to “hemorrhoid.”

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

• ✝️ Christian