I came, I clicked,
Sex (189 jokes)
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Saying that Java is nice because it works on every OS is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on every gender.
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SBF Seeks Male companionship. Age and ethnicity unimportant. I’m a young, svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods; riding in your pickup truck; hunting, camping, fishing trips. I love cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work; wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I’m yours.
Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.
(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever. They received 643 calls in two days.)
Scotsman, Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar
Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, “As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not to me, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”
Sex with Linux:
$ date ; unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep
Slutty girls are like Wal-Marts.
Everyone makes fun of them but when you’re inside one at 4am, you think “Thank God these are here”
Son to mother: “Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin.”
Mother: “Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop.”