I came, I clicked,
Sex (185 jokes)
See also:
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago.
She looked at me and said, “Turn the light off and stick it in my butt”.
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.
🔗View joke
My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order.
I probably should’ve stopped when I got to her name
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After two minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.”
Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?”
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said “I knew I could trust you.”
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
🔗View joke
My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed.
In my defense it was doggy style so it’s more like 14 minutes.
My girlfriend just emailed me.
She said, “thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative”
Does anyone know what “ternative” mean?
🔗View joke
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I’m going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord
My husband and son are getting competitive while playing games.
Husband said” I fucked your mom”
To which my son replied” I have been deeper inside her than you’ll ever be”
🔗View joke
My lesbian neighbours asked me to help them conceive a child recently
They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren’t man haters!
For six months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
🔗View joke