I came, I clicked,
Sex (189 jokes)
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My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy.
The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, “No, it’s my first time.”
She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.
I still looked confused.
She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.
“Just a minute.” she said and locked the door.
She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.
“You like these?”
I could only nod my head.
She said to put the condom on.
As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down.
“Come on.” she said. “We don’t have much time.”
So I climbed on her.
It was so amazing that I couldn’t hold back and KAPOW! I was done in two minutes!
She looked at me concerned and asked, “Did you put the condom on?”
I said, “I sure did!”, and held up my thumb to show her.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
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My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan Gosling movie
I don’t know what she’s doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling.
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago.
She looked at me and said, “Turn the light off and stick it in my butt”.
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.
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My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order.
I probably should’ve stopped when I got to her name
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After two minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says “Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.”
Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks “Do you want to have sex before she gets back?”
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said “I knew I could trust you.”
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
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My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed.
In my defense it was doggy style so it’s more like 14 minutes.
My girlfriend just emailed me.
She said, “thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative”
Does anyone know what “ternative” mean?
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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I’m going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord