I came, I clicked,
Sex (189 jokes)
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Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.
“Tarzan not know what is sex” he replied.
Jane then explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ….”Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”
Stunned by his response, Jane said: “Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don’t shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly.”
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
“Here” she said, pointing to her privates,”you must put it in here.”
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: “What the bloody hell did you do that for?
“Check for squirrel.” he responds.
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Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park.”
Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom.
He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed’s headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, ‘You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life”.
Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny’s room only to find it’s empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around, looks at him and says “Yeah, not so funny when it’s your mom huh?”
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Man, on a first date: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. It releases dopamine and reduces stress. Improves prostate gland and cardiovascular health.
Still got thrown off the bus.
Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?”
Interviewer: “I meant any questions about the job”
My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.
So I lost the case.
My ex thought the eggs in my ovaries had shells on them, and i think about that every time a man makes a decision on women’s bodies.
To be fair, i also thought balls were hollow and just had sperm kinda swimming around in there.