I came, I clicked,
Sex (185 jokes)
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Man, on a first date: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. It releases dopamine and reduces stress. Improves prostate gland and cardiovascular health.
Still got thrown off the bus.
Me: “Squirting isn’t real, right? It’s just urine, right?”
Interviewer: “I meant any questions about the job”
My BDSM community took me to court for not being hardcore enough. I got off with just a slap on the wrist.
So I lost the case.
My ex thought the eggs in my ovaries had shells on them, and i think about that every time a man makes a decision on women’s bodies.
To be fair, i also thought balls were hollow and just had sperm kinda swimming around in there.
My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy.
The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, “No, it’s my first time.”
She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.
I still looked confused.
She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.
“Just a minute.” she said and locked the door.
She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.
“You like these?”
I could only nod my head.
She said to put the condom on.
As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down.
“Come on.” she said. “We don’t have much time.”
So I climbed on her.
It was so amazing that I couldn’t hold back and KAPOW! I was done in two minutes!
She looked at me concerned and asked, “Did you put the condom on?”
I said, “I sure did!”, and held up my thumb to show her.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
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My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan Gosling movie
I don’t know what she’s doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling.