I came, I clicked,
Money (74 jokes)
See also:
law professor: you’re currently failing your ethics class
me: slides a $20 across the desk how about now?
Let’s play a game of MILLENNIAL MONOPOLY.
The rules are simple, you start with no money, you can’t afford anything, the board is on fire for some reason and everything is your fault.
Me: I’d like help with my taxes.
Accountant: ok what state will you be filing them in?
Me: I’d say anxious.
Accountant: no i mean what state have you lived in this year?
Me: oh sorry, depressed
Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?
Howeverโฆ
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost interest in that relationship.
My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel.
My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I’m a bus driver.
Once, societies sent astronauts to space to explore.
Now, billionaires send other billionaires into space to make money.
Relationship advice: Always make sure one of you have good credit. That’s why it’s called significant other. Sign-if-I-can’t
🔗View joke
Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free?
Now it’s $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.
He said “inflation”.
Someone stole my debit card, went and spent $60 at a restaurant and only left a $4 tip.
It’s not even your card, and you leave a $4 tip? Unreal.
🔗View joke