Money (73 jokes)

Given the current price of gas, it’s cheaper to snort cocain and run where I gotta go.

• 🌿 Drugs

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.
Always walkin around like they rent the place.

• ☭ Social system

I asked my mother if I was a gifted child.

She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.

• 👪 Family

I beat cancer.
If they suddenly find a cure for cancer now, I’ll be so mad!

This joke was about student loans.

If I got $1 every time a woman said I wasn’t her type
I’d be her type.

• 👫 Man and woman

If i had $1 for every girl that didn’t find me attractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

If I had a dollar for every time someone over forty told me my generation sucks…
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

• ☭ Social system

If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”

• 💭 Thoughts

If robbers ever broke into my house and start searching for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

• 🤵 Work