Thoughts (222 jokes)

They say “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”
The most famous gift horse in history became a huge problem because no one bothered to look inside.

• 🏺 Antiquity

They say God only gives us what we can handle.
Apparently, God thinks I’m a badass.

This is a good life lesson : never try anything new, or you will fail.

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Tick tick tick. That’s your life running out.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

• 🌿 Drugs

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Today I thought of a color that doesn’t exist, but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think “Baby it’s cold outside” is really weird, and we’re gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside