Animals (47 jokes)

Cow: you’re good.
Dog: you’re good.
Sheep: you’re good.
Chicken: you’re good.
Cat: you’re good.
Horse: you need shoes; I’m gonna nail ‘em to your feet

Dear Vegetarians, if you love animals that much, why do you eat all of their food?

• 🍔 Food

Dinosaurs literally got taken out on the same planet we walk on today and people still think we’re invincible.
You’re not better than a stegosaurus.

• 💭 Thoughts

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.

How to create a unicorn : kill a narwhal. Take his horn. Hammer it in a white horse’s head. Unicorn!
What? A dead one? Ungrateful bastard.

• ⚰️ Dark humor

I admire the way my cat approaches new things in life:

“Can I eat it? No, ok, can I cuddle or sleep on it? Hmm, no ok. Useless.”

If animals weren’t meant to be eaten, THEN WHY ARE THEY MADE OF FOOD?

• 🍔 Food

If you watch the world backwards it’s about a bunch of animals having sex until there are none left. That’s also what it’s about forwards.

• 🍆 Sex

I know a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

I’m so disappointed that a group of squid isn’t called a squad.

• 🇬🇧 English language