Animals (47 jokes)

The cat who was completely obsessed with my bump when I was pregnant is quite uninterested in the baby now that she’s out. It’s a weird way to find out that my cat is a Republican.

• 🗳️ Politician

The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.

• 🖥️ Technology

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.

• 🦽 Disability

why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it!

• Dad jokes

wife: [watching the news] some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium
me: [covered in ink] maybe the squid was being a dick

Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for the guy.

You know who doesn’t get impostor syndrome? Cats.
Not only does every cat know they’re a cat, I think every cat believes firmly, with conviction, that they are the best possible cat, the prime example of a cat, the most cat a cat could be.