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Dark humor (44 jokes)
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A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well…until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones…and picked the worst possible one to start with.
Here’s the joke I told:
- What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
- Throw your washing in.
One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.
Obviously I felt mortified as I didn’t know about it, and said “I’m so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”
“No,” replied the guy. “He choked on a sock.”
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Horses are actually great starter pets. They only live for about 3 days and you don’t even have to give them any food or water.
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How much time needs to pass for grave robbing to become archaeology?
If I pull a gold bracelet out of a pyramid, Ive made an archeological find. If I pull one out of the graveyard, I’m a dick. What’s the ideal waiting period for looting the dead?
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How’s everyone holding up?
It’s crazy out there. I’ve killed like fifteen zombies already.
Why are they all carrying candy?
How to create a unicorn : kill a narwhal. Take his horn. Hammer it in a white horse’s head. Unicorn!
What? A dead one? Ungrateful bastard.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don’t know I’m using blanks.
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