Dark humor (37 jokes)

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“
I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

• 👪 Family

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Nobody ever regrets playing Russian Roulette, they only regret inviting their friends.

• 💭 Thoughts

Rappers gonna rape.

They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Top tip: this winter, hide a collection of bones in your snowman as a surprise for the children when it melts.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.