Dad jokes (59 jokes)

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

— Knock knock…
— Who’s there?
— Cows go.
— Cows go who?
— No idiot… Cows go moo!

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen.

• 👨‍⚕️ Doctor

What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

My friend told me he’s worried about his guitar playing addiction.

I told him don’t fret.

My longer hair is really growing on me.

My wife is turning 32 soon…

I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. “After all,” I said, “The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

• 👫 Man and woman

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doing…
It’s always, “Is Pepsi okay?”

Raise your right foot if you hate speeding tickets!

See? To prove I’m not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It’s.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It’s my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Don’t touch the thermos tat.