Dad jokes (56 jokes)

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! Thatโ€™s the worst case of parking sonโ€™s disease that I have ever seen.

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๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚
What do you call an ox with big butt?
Buttocks
๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

My friend told me heโ€™s worried about his guitar playing addiction.

I told him donโ€™t fret.

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๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

My longer hair is really growing on me.

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

My wife is turning 32 soonโ€ฆ

Iโ€™ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. โ€œAfter all,โ€ I said, โ€œThe celebrations are only going to last half a minute.โ€
โ€œWhat are you talking about?โ€ she asked.
I said, โ€œItโ€™s your thirty-second birthday.โ€

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

Nobody ever asks how Coca-Cola is doingโ€ฆ
Itโ€™s always, โ€œIs Pepsi okay?โ€

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

See? To prove Iโ€™m not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! Itโ€™s.. uh?
Me: (proudly) Itโ€™s my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..
Me: (slaps hand away) Donโ€™t touch the thermos tat.

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

So I was having sex with my girlfriend at her parentโ€™s house, and we were really getting it on with her moaning and groaning which woke up her dad.

We were really in the heat of it so we never noticed when he walked upstairs and then walked in on us.

โ€œDad!โ€ my girlfriend exclaimed in a panic โ€œIโ€ฆIโ€™m sorryโ€

The dad being, a dad, replies โ€œHi sorry, Iโ€™m Dad!โ€

He then turns to me and asks โ€œAre you fucking sorry?โ€

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
๐Ÿ”—View joke
๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜‚