Dad jokes (59 jokes)

So I was having sex with my girlfriend at her parent’s house, and we were really getting it on with her moaning and groaning which woke up her dad.

We were really in the heat of it so we never noticed when he walked upstairs and then walked in on us.

“Dad!” my girlfriend exclaimed in a panic “I…I’m sorry”

The dad being, a dad, replies “Hi sorry, I’m Dad!”

He then turns to me and asks “Are you fucking sorry?”

Someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch.

Ouch.

Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Today I saw an ad that said “radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

What did Pikachu say when he saw Charizard?

Pikachu

What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?

Nothing, he’s gladiator.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam.

What do exploding pandas eat?

BAMBOOM!