Food (37 jokes)

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his Tinder date.
“That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?”
“I’m a butcher,” he says.

Me: can you pass me the Rooster sooster sauce?
Him: the what?
Me: the Warsha chester sire sauce.
Him: are you having a stroke?
Me: the Worst sister shire sauce.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.

• 🥢 Asia

My god, I made my child dinner just last night, and now he’s asking for dinner again.

My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and I hear a text, realizing I left my phone in the kitchen, I get up, go to the kitchen to check it… and its a text from my wife: Please bring the chips on your way back

• 👫 Man and woman

“No GMO foods for MY family,” she said as she walked her pet wolf who’d been bred to have four inch long legs and respiratory problems.

• 🐪 Animals
• 🔬 Scientist

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.

Swallow, bitch! There are people starving in Africa.

• 🍆 Sex

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like… It’s speaking English that kills you.

• 🇬🇧 English language