Food (36 jokes)

“I work with animals,” the guy says to his Tinder date.
“That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?”
“I’m a butcher,” he says.

Me: can you pass me the Rooster sooster sauce?
Him: the what?
Me: the Warsha chester sire sauce.
Him: are you having a stroke?
Me: the Worst sister shire sauce.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.

• 🥢 Asia

My god, I made my child dinner just last night, and now he’s asking for dinner again.

My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and I hear a text, realizing I left my phone in the kitchen, I get up, go to the kitchen to check it… and its a text from my wife: Please bring the chips on your way back

• 👫 Man and woman

“No GMO foods for MY family,” she said as she walked her pet wolf who’d been bred to have four inch long legs and respiratory problems.

• 🐪 Animals
• 🔬 Scientist

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat
Then I remember they feed off of attention.

Swallow, bitch! There are people starving in Africa.

• 🍆 Sex

The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them “Scraps”. They started crying. Spoiled brats, it’s really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.
And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.

• 👪 Family