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Disability (20 jokes)

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back?

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My wife said to me “If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me”
I said “Thats the fifth time you’ve said that today”

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Not sure I’ve laughed more in a game than reading the files of my soldiers in Valkyria Chronicles. “Allergic to sand” was a good one.

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Some people manage their chronic illness with green smoothies and pilates.
I manage mine with sarcasm and a dark sense of humor.
You know, whatever works for you.

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They told me I wouldn’t be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic
But so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

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What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas?
No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
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What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
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Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
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Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
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