I came, I clicked,
Doctor (50 jokes)
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Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”
He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park.”
Little Johnny’s neighbour just had a baby. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears…
When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.
Johnny’s dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home!!
Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby’s lack of ears.
Johnny looks and says “Wow, what a beautiful baby.”
The mother replies, ‘Why, Thanks Johnny.”
Johnny says: “He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Is he able to see alright?”
“Yes”, says the mum, “we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision.”
“That is great”, says Little Johnny, “cause he’d be stuffed if he needed glasses!”
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Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen.
My dad died last year when my family couldn’t remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him
As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
My doctor told me to kill people. Not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life, which is pretty much the same thing.
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My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.
I replied, “Yes just once.”
The doctor asked, “What was it like?”
I said, “It was dark, then suddenly very bright.”
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On a plane full of Internet users, a man starts having a heart attack.
One of the flight attendants notices this and quickly shouts: โPeople of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?โ
Immediately, five people stand up and say
“I’m not a doctor, but…”