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Cheating (37 jokes)
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One day, a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can’t do it because he’s her half brother.
The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, โMomโฆ What have you been doing all your life? Dad’s been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can’t marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!โ
Her mom replies, โDon’t worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn’t really your dad.โ
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl.”
Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.”
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”
Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”
Son: “It’s Angela, the other neighbor’s daughter.”
Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Angela is also your sister.”
This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: “Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can’t date any of them because dad is their father!”
The mother hugs him affectionately and says, “You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your father!”
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife…
Thank you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day!
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.
The wife asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?”
Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “Who said that?”
Helen: “Your husband.”
Wife: “Oh.”
Helen: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you.”
Wife: “Did my husband say that as well?”
Helen: “No, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So, how much do you want?”
We were having sex the other night and to my surprise my wife started punching me in the face.
I have no idea who let her into my office.
Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Me: You promise not to get mad no matter what i say?
Wife: Yes
Me: I fucked your sister